So A final post to let others know what I will do.
Firstly, In a way this blog served as a kind of therapy while going through some difficult times. While I’m still adjusting to citalopram, and a new vocabulary of emotional responses and scripts, and life habits, and having to decide on doing something rather than letting anxiety drive me towards it, This first motivation for writing a personal blog has passed on.
Secondly my passions in writing are changing. I felt a pressure that I had to write about autism and be part of a crowd, and that does not motivate me. I’d rather write about experiences in my area, whimsy on life’s nuances and odd happenstances, slightly philosophical musings on culture, politics and such. I also want to do some career related blogging, and possibly some fiction. If I can fit any of this into a schedule that includes other hobbies and migrating to a preferably full-time employment or as much as I can handle while affording to live well (hence the delays on blogging here). I may occasionally talk about HSP or personality subjects elsewhere but I want to move away from autism, it does not have a say in my identity anymore.
Thirdly, I had wanted to blog publicly but anonymously about some political and social ethics issues in my Country of New Zealand. This country has seen the most dramatic growth in the rich poor gap, rises in poverty, affordability of living, homelessness, third world diseases in a first world nation, human exploitation, waterway pollution, and more in several areas, in the developed world. This concerns me deeply and I wanted to talk about this and raise awareness to Non-New Zealanders. Unfortunately, one of the concerns of point is our social welfare government department. I receive a supported living payment (token name for invalids welfare support) from them. Increasingly there has been a disturbing shift towards punitive treatment, cost cutting under ‘austerity’ and catch-22-ism bureaucracy in this department. Past right wing governments have fostered a public image of welfare recipients as delinquents, drug addled, lazy, careless, stupid, and seeking to cheat the system and bludge off others, a ‘scum of the earth’ perspective which has virally dug it’s roots into much of the mainstream social consciousness. The realities are that for a long time welfare payments have been drastically underfunded such that it is difficult to avoid poverty and afford the extra costs needed to get back into living wage employment, while the system creates big obstacles towards people seeking to do just that. Rules and entitlements are deliberately kept obscure, the welfare case managers have all the power. The poverty generating nature of the welfare system in New Zealand and the lack of support, and punitive presumptive-scum perspective is particularly damaging to people with mental illness and disabilities, by trapping them within the system, ignoring their higher need for support, and making it harder to assert their rights. In particular people who try to speak up about the system from within the system face intense punishment-with-prejudice. Recently a politician of a minor party admitted they chose to lie about their living state while on an unemployment welfare benefit in the 1990’s, so they could afford enough money to feed their children and send them to school. This admission was used to catalyze debate on how harsh the welfare system was, how it was failing it’s stated goals to act as a safety net and protect citizens through tough times, and how it was putting people’s lives at risk. The politician was eventually hounded out of government for lying, but not after taking 10% of support from other major parties over the state of welfare in New Zealand, showing how serious an issue this is. It does not help that the punitive nature goes as far as Private Investigators reported to be snooping around welfare recipients homes and properties, Or banging on doors at random hours and demanding information on threat of stopping all welfare payments. People have to be careful of that they say to whom, and what they put publicly on the internet. This is the other reason I am choosing to stop – and eventually delete this blog. If I write something here it could cost me my life. Yes, that sounds over dramatic but it really could. Even with the election of a left wing government which says it want’s a fairer society, we are still seeing extremely punitive behaviour by the welfare department against ordinary people, and I am afraid of ending up in their crosshairs. (And against a backdrop of dirty politics by right wing groups, employment exploitation by some people including against welfare recipients, erosion of employment rights and safeguards, lack of jobs or meaningful vocations on top of rising automation, and cultural economic prejudice which gives more power to low-profit agriculture and dairy farming and real estate, over businesses which actually generate new permanent jobs and bring significant money into the economy through exported projects and services. We have a lot of first-world problems here).
So to those who chose to follow me, or even briefly browse over my content, I say thank you!